6 years ago
CRIBS - The Coleman Edition
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Hah, hah! Watupyo?! Welcome to my crib, MTV. I knew it'd only be a matter of time before my international stardom would allow me to showcase my spacious pad on the critically acclaimed MTV Cribs. So lets get it started.
Of course, I know ya'll are mad interested in what I have in my fridge. Let me break it down for you like this. WATER. When you live in a place that eats 110 degrees for breakfast, you must hydrate. I cannot emphasize this enough. When I'm not drinking water I'm downing Organic Plain Soy Milk. And for special occasions I bust out the Cristal (Light). Werd.
True players always gotta have a big TV, and I am no exception. Back in 1999 Toshiba came out with an amazing THIRTY TWO INCH projection TV, so I snatched one off the loading dock at Best Buy. Sure, other guys have TVs that are 2, 3, or 10 times bigger than mine, but if I sit real close it feels like I'm at the dollar theater.
I know, I keep hearing that if you wanna be a big dawg you gotta rock Scareface. But if you wanna crank it up a notch you gotta kick Days of Thunder and Cheers reruns. BAM!
Lets kick it over to the living room for a sec - I need to make a call on my Hasbro Transformer Cell Phone. I be blowin' up, yo! We never use this room, unless our Hometeachers decide to make their semiannual visit to preach the Word.
I do some of my best work in the bathroom. No doubt. Sometimes when I'm in the shower and I'm lathering up my skull with some special edition Suave Shampoo & Conditioner (15 bonus ounces) an idea just hits me and I have to lay down the track right then and there. So I've converted my shower into a fully functional recording studio, complete with a Taco Bell Edition American Idol Microphone. Ain't no frontin' up in here.
I don't have a full-court basketball court in my backyard, or a skatepark, or a motocross track, or a driving range, but how many celbs do you know that have a Spalding Pitching Target Return Throw Back Stop? I got the answer for you right here. NONE.
I got three words for you. Bar. Bee. Que. When its not 115 degrees outside I've been known to cook up a mean burger. For all my grillin' needs my Patio Classic 2000 Series Charcoal Grill does the job. Burgers, Dawgs, Italian Sausage, Salmon, or Spam - my grill kills 'em all.
Alright, MTV, you ain't got to go home, but... actually, you do have to go home. I've got to mow the lawn and trim the bushes before my spectacular pool party. Lates!
(See, this is what happens when my wife leaves town with the kids for a month and I get bored - and I'm only on day five. Yikes)
Of course, I know ya'll are mad interested in what I have in my fridge. Let me break it down for you like this. WATER. When you live in a place that eats 110 degrees for breakfast, you must hydrate. I cannot emphasize this enough. When I'm not drinking water I'm downing Organic Plain Soy Milk. And for special occasions I bust out the Cristal (Light). Werd.
True players always gotta have a big TV, and I am no exception. Back in 1999 Toshiba came out with an amazing THIRTY TWO INCH projection TV, so I snatched one off the loading dock at Best Buy. Sure, other guys have TVs that are 2, 3, or 10 times bigger than mine, but if I sit real close it feels like I'm at the dollar theater.
I know, I keep hearing that if you wanna be a big dawg you gotta rock Scareface. But if you wanna crank it up a notch you gotta kick Days of Thunder and Cheers reruns. BAM!
Lets kick it over to the living room for a sec - I need to make a call on my Hasbro Transformer Cell Phone. I be blowin' up, yo! We never use this room, unless our Hometeachers decide to make their semiannual visit to preach the Word.
I do some of my best work in the bathroom. No doubt. Sometimes when I'm in the shower and I'm lathering up my skull with some special edition Suave Shampoo & Conditioner (15 bonus ounces) an idea just hits me and I have to lay down the track right then and there. So I've converted my shower into a fully functional recording studio, complete with a Taco Bell Edition American Idol Microphone. Ain't no frontin' up in here.
I don't have a full-court basketball court in my backyard, or a skatepark, or a motocross track, or a driving range, but how many celbs do you know that have a Spalding Pitching Target Return Throw Back Stop? I got the answer for you right here. NONE.
I got three words for you. Bar. Bee. Que. When its not 115 degrees outside I've been known to cook up a mean burger. For all my grillin' needs my Patio Classic 2000 Series Charcoal Grill does the job. Burgers, Dawgs, Italian Sausage, Salmon, or Spam - my grill kills 'em all.
Alright, MTV, you ain't got to go home, but... actually, you do have to go home. I've got to mow the lawn and trim the bushes before my spectacular pool party. Lates!(See, this is what happens when my wife leaves town with the kids for a month and I get bored - and I'm only on day five. Yikes)